Parenting In a Pandemic

I strive to give the best of myself to my children. They didn’t ask to be here and deserve a mother fully committed to their growth and wellbeing with love. I try to exercise patience and remember to give them grace knowing that that the little bit of wisdom that I have is from years of trial and error. But lately, I’ve been short. It doesn’t take much to set me off. I’ve found myself being less affectionate, more likely to dismiss my oldest to his room, and/or raise my voice. I shamefully had to have a meeting with myself to check myself. 

 

I realized that:

  1.  Mama is tiyad. 
  2. Mama needs her space. 
  3. Mama is overworked. 
  4. Mama could use some help. 

 

As the saying goes- you can’t pour from an empty vessel. And, in the past several weeks of sheltering in place- I did nothing to replenish my spirit. Self-care– girl, what was THAT?! For someone who preaches the importance of self-care, I feel like a complete hypocrite. And that doesn’t sit well with me. So, I’m actively making some changes to remedy that. If you find yourself in a similar space, I’ve shared those tweeks below. 

Give grace. 

We’re all accustomed to being forgiving, understanding, and compassionate to others. While that’s important-it’s even more crucial to give yourself grace. We’re living in unprescentend times; be especially kind to yourself as you navigate challenging times. When those negative, unkind, and critical voices in your mind start to chime in- make your duty to counter those with positive thoughts.

 

Different times call for different measures.- adjust

Gone are rigid schedules and inflexible deadlines. With children in the home (and being abruptly thrust into the role of their primary educator), productivity measures deserve a brand new scale. Don’t hold yourself to the same standard that you had before. Things have changed and so must expectations. 

 

Be honest.

Children know and understand far more than we give them credit for. I’m always surprised at how intuitive my 5 year old is. When things aren’t ‘right’, he usually senses it and questions/addresses the changes. I find it’s always in our best interest to be up front with our kids especially now. Their lives have been just as disrupted as ours (i.e. distance learning, cancelled birthday parties/graduations/etc) and we owe it to them to be as transparent as possible.

 

Recharge.

We don’t expect our electronics to function days on end without recharging, why do we expect that of ourselves? I’ve started putting my kids to bed a bit earlier to give myself some alone time. In that hour, I watch something other than children’s programming, read a book, or catch up with friends without being in earshot of my human tape recorder.  Commit to at least an hour per day of doing something just for YOU

 

Disconnect. 

The news sucks. Turn it off. There’s a difference between being informed and suffering emotional  abuse at the hands of the current news cycle. While the COVID-related news and CDC recommendations are constantly evolving- there is little to learn by being constantly connected to the news. To take that a step further, spend some time disconnected from social media. Although social media have always played a large role in our lives, most of us have been glued to the different social media outlets in pathologic proportions. One article cites that we’ve collectively increased our social media consumption by 20%- yikes!

 

I truly hope you’re doing well. 

 

With love,

Cassandre

 

Meet The Writer

Hi I’m Cassandre and I’m passionate about self-care practices for Black millennial women- especially moms – who’ve been socialized to be self-sacrificing since birth.

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