I often think about the conversation that I had with Nakeia Homer in the summer of 2020. She is a beautifully bold and confident woman whose wisdom is far beyond her years. In my conversation with Nakeia- we explored how her complete honesty, about herself and her circumstances, has allowed her to grow and contributed to the successes she’s had as an author, award- winning songwriter, and life coach. 

What is Self-honesty? 

 Do you have thoughts that the moment they come up- you quickly suppress or redirect? Those thoughts might be memories, deep desires of what you actually want for your life, reflections on how you may have disappointed yourself, or ways in which you’ve been disappointed by people or circumstances. 

Self-honesty is not only addressing things in your past and your flaws. It’s also being honest with yourself about all of the things that you’re great at. So many of us downplay our talents and gifts and look at ourselves by measuring what we lack. We neglect all of the beautiful qualities that we innately possess and all of the ways in which we’ve triumphed, and fixate on our shortcomings. By being dishonest with ourselves about the greatness that we possess, we do ourselves a disservice by denying ourselves the tools and qualities that have the power to improve our current circumstances. 

Self-honesty is necessary for growth. 

I’ve been in therapy with the same therapist for the past four years. My therapist is amazing and I’m confident that she’s a great fit for me. However, I’ve made the most progress when I was honest with myself and then, consequently, with her. By acknowledging my past experiences, my current state, and what I truly want for my future- she was able to help me make strides in my healing. 

The exercise of practicing radical self-honesty and acceptance is not a one-time deal. It’s a series of ongoing, uncomfortable conversations, and self-assessments. As we naturally evolve, our truths and circumstances do too. But we shouldn’t avoid this discomfort. 

Why is self-honesty important?

1. To gain clarity: It’s easy to allow the opinions and perceptions of others to cloud your sense of self. However, the more aware you are about who you are as a person- including all of your flaws and strengths, the more capable you are of ignoring what others project onto you. People may try to plan your life for you and to decide what is best for you, but the more honest you are about your priorities – the greater your chances of living a life that is actually in alignment with your values.

1. To become fearless: The surer you are about who you are, the less important it is how others feel about you. I’m currently in a place where there isn’t anything that someone can tell me about myself that I don’t already know. So many of the insecurities I once had are no longer because I realize that while I’m not great at everything, I’m great at some things and I chose to lean into those instead. 

1. To strengthen relationships: No relationship can survive without honesty. The most important relationship that you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. If you aren’t able, to be honest with yourself, how can you expect to have authentic relationships with others?  To have long-lasting relationships with depth, it’s crucial to have a foundation of truth. Relationships flourish when they’re based on people who are honest with themselves and each other. 

So as you listen to this insightful conversation with Nakeia Homer- I want to ask yourself the following:

1. What truths have I withheld from myself and,
2. in what ways can total self-acceptance change my life for the better? 

Tune in to the episode below.  I’m so glad you’re here. Be Well, Sis.